My Life

Interview with Cecilia: Week 1

Here's the first My Life interview with Cecilia! I hope you enjoy getting to know her and following along in her journey to a balanced life. As a side note, I failed to record this interview properly the first time, so Cecilia was gracious enough to take time out her busy busy busy busy day to do the interview again. Thanks Cecilia!

Coach Vaughn: If you could give any advice to past Cecilia, what would it be?

Cecilia: I think my advice would be to make decisions more prayerfully. To put more time, thought, and even prayer into the decisions I was making. I think lots of times I didn't think about lots of my choices. I just kind of...did them. For a while I thought about each individual thing I was doing, and I had a plan. Then for some reason, I guess life got too stressful. I kind of lost sight of my plan. You're always happier when you have a plan.

Coach Vaughn: Is there a specific example you'd be willing to share?

Cecilia: A specific decision I often think about was the choice I made not to go to graduate school. I always planned on taking the LSAT and attending law school after college or pursing some sort of higher education. Once Nathan and I were married and we find ourselves with a substantial amount of bills (and a new baby), I realized I had to change previous plans. So, Nathan and I have adapted to our situation, and I find myself increasingly unhappy with my job. Our decisions then were based on our needs at the time, but we still did not put much thought into our actions. We found the solution we logically assumed would work best. I had the degree, I was offered the job, I would work. Ultimatey, I would prefer to do something I enjoyed, rather than performing a job that pays the bills. I am hopeful this will someday be the case!

Coach Vaughn: What advice do you think future Cecilia would want to give YOU?

Cecilia:  I think Future Cecilia would tell me to slow down and to appreciate the time I have with my husband and baby. Even now, I see myself missing some of the cute things Eliza does, like saying a new word or learning a new gesture due to my stress levels. I often feel too tired after work to go outside and play with her or do other fun (and energetic) things. I know Future Cecilia would tell me to find the energy and play with my daughter, no matter how tired I may feel.

Coach Vaughn: What is your number one priority?

Cecilia: As a parent now, Eliza is my number one priority.

Coach Vaughn: Why?

Cecilia: She is the source of our greatest joy and the motivator for most of our actions. The crazy schedules Nathan and I have had for the past year have revolved around Eliza and her happiness. We both had full time jobs for 8 months and worked opposite shifts. Although it was hard never seeing one another, we knew it was the best thing for Eliza. Nathan eventually quit his job in December so we could spend more time together as a family. I feel peace when I think about all the sacrifices I am making now and how they are ultimately for Eliza. Hopefully, by the time Nathan begins chiropractic school this fall, we will be completely debt free. This means Eliza won't need to go to daycare when we move to Portland and that I can stay at home with her full time. I can't wait!

Coach Vaughn: What would you most like to change about your life right now?

Cecilia: If I could change one thing about my life right now, I would find a way to eliminate some of the causes of my stress. Ideally, I would quit my job. Unfortunately, that can't happen for now. However, I can work on changing my attitude. Job or no job.

Coach Vaughn: I gave you an assignment to work on this week, but what assignment would you like to give yourself?

Cecilia: I guess the assignment I would like to give myself is to not bring my computer home and work from home unnecessarily...to leave work at work and have home be home. I think I can do that.

Ten Minute Fix: Pre-Journal Writing

Sorry this week's ten minute fix is late. I was getting over a bad case of food poisoning (not that there's a good case of food poisoning). Also, don't forget to tune in Thursday for the very first My Life interview with Cecilia!

Once upon a time, I was a freshman in college and I thought it would be funny to open up my journal and write about tomorrow rather than today. So, I said I would ace my math test and a girl would come over and ask me to Homecoming. I wanted both things to happen, but didn’t believe either was possible. The next day, I bombed my math test, but there was a knock at the door. There standing in front of me were two girls from the neighboring building. I assumed they came over to see my roommate Steve (all the girls dug Steve) but no! One of them came over to invite me to go to Homecoming with her! Crazy! Someone must have read my journal and set the whole thing up, because there is just no way the fates would have been so kind to me.

Since this experience, I’ve thought a lot about “pre-journal writing”. It’s really just a way to plan your day, set goals, and think optimistically. Not everything happens as planned, but some things do! And that’s pretty neat. Writing about what you want as if you already had it, is a powerful tool in positive thinking. I won’t go so far as to say your positive thinking is compelling the universe to give you what you want (if you’ve heard of The Secret, you know what I’m talking about), but it does help in some strange way.

So, take ten minutes to write about tomorrow. Pretend you’ve just had the perfect day and now you want to write it down so you can remember it forever. Be as unrealistic as you want. Just have fun with it and you may be surprised by the results. The point isn’t to predict the future, so don’t worry if not everything comes true. The point is to envision how you want your life to be and feel optimistic about the coming day.

Cultured

This is why my wife can't take me to parties.

VLC Presents "My Life"

Instead of answering a question this week, I want to introduce you to My Life, an exciting new series on the VLC Blog. To kick it off, we’ll be following along in the life of Cecilia as she takes part in the coaching process for the first time. For two months I’ll be posting short interviews with her along with her online coaching diary. My hope is that we’ll all learn from her struggles and be inspired by her achievements.

Mini Bio
Cecilia is a wife and mother who frequently works 80 hours a week to improve her family’s financial situation while her husband finishes school. She’s a billing specialist/price negotiator by day and a course instructor by night. The stress that comes with working two jobs makes it difficult for her to enjoy the little time she gets to spend with her family. She wants nothing more than to feel in control of her life and regain some balance. She’s overworked, stressed out, and needs a change. That’s where life coaching comes in.

Tune in every week to check on her progress and see what you can learn from her adventures in life coaching. The first interview will be posted Thursday, March 31st.

As a side note, I’m allowing comments on the VLC Blog! Did a post help you? Do you know a funny joke? Have any words of encouragement for Cecilia? We want to hear from you! Leave a comment today!

Coinage

I just call the dollar coins "vending machine tokens". Other than drawing circles, it's the only use I've found for them.

Box of Chocolates

I sold my soul to the devil for a crate of chocolates.They all had nuts. I'm allergic to nuts. Silly devil can't get anything right.

Ten Minute Fix: Get Some Help

Several obstacles in the road of our personal progress won’t have personal solutions. We’ll need friends, family, coworkers, doctors, lawyers, accountants, ministers, life coaches, therapists, GPS navigators, and late night TV psychics, to help us. We can’t do everything ourselves. Before you say anything, let me remind you that it’s the 21st century! Asking for help is no longer reserved for sissies, milksops, and pantywaists. Even Superman occasionally needs Lois to come to his rescue when he’s been locked in a Kryptonite cage by some sinister mastermind bent on the destruction of Metropolis...

If you feel like asking for help is an admission of failure, sit down, fasten your safety belts, keep both hands inside the vehicle at all times and prepare to have your paradigm shifted. Asking for help is an important step towards success and not the final resting place for your manhood! So what if you needed help to get it done! You’re man/woman enough to admit it and take care of business anyway.

Follow these easy steps from this article on eHow

1. Know to ask for help before frustration and anger take over. This is the first and most important step. If you're an "overdoer" and want to handle things by yourself, it may not be as easy to identify what exactly you'll need help with. Take a few minutes to ponder this.

2. Leave behind feelings of shame and embarrassment. Just because you're asking for help doesn't mean you're a failure. It's actually wise and a very successful strategy because it will save stress and time.

3. Talk to someone who you're close to--like a friend or family member--if you're feeling a bit intimidated asking for help from someone else. Maybe they can point you in the right direction. Think about what will happen if the situation is not dealt with and all the weight is on your shoulders.

4. State clearly what it is that would be helpful and be specific. People generally want to help they just need to know exactly what is expected of them.

5. Abstain from whining when you're doing too much; it will turn people away. Be positive and you'll have the support of people around who will often pitch in on their own if they feel you're deserving of help because of the kind of person you are.

6. Say thank you. Always be grateful and appreciative when someone has done something to help. That way if you'll need to ask for help again they will be happy and willing to give a hand. Remember to help others too.

Get help when you need it. If you feel like you need help achieving your goals, but don’t know where to get it, give me a call (801) 686-8226. We can talk and see if life coaching would be right for you.

Pseudo

I've already been pseudo-nominated for a pseudo-pulitzer.

Productivity

"I wrote a book on overcoming illiteracy. My publisher said it needed more pictures."

Advice On Taking Advice

Anonymous asks...

I've had this problem lately where my friends and family have been giving me advice on how to improve my social life, business plans, and so forth, but instead of being helpful it's just made me feel defensive and stubborn.  How can I make it so that I can benefit from well meaning attempts at help instead of being insulted?

Anytime anyone talks to us, they are submitting an application to affect us in some way. A salesman is submitting an application to persuade us. A friend submits an application to make us happy. A complete jerk submits an application to destroy our self-esteem. A preacher submits an application to uplift us. And a teacher submits an application to educate us.

Once an application is submitted we put it through a review process and then decide what power to give the applicant. Too many times we make mistakes during this review. We end up only giving the preacher the power to bore us, the friend the power to offend us, and the jerk the exact power he was applying for.

Since you aren't asking me how to shut your friends up or what supplies you need to become a hermit, I'll assume that you believe your friends want to help you. So, during the review process you are receiving their application to help make your life better, but instead of giving them that power, you give them the powers to offend, criticize, boss around, and stick their noses where they just plain don't belong.

I'm no psychologist, so I can't say why we do this. I just know that we do. It must be related to a suppressed inner child or something else I know nothing about. Anyway, it happens when we put the review process on autopilot and let our emotions or subconscious call the shots.

So, the secret is to allow your conscious mind to take over again. When your friends or family give you some unsolicited advice, ask yourself what power they are applying for. Why are they saying what they're saying? Then you can decide what power to give them. If they want to help, advise, inspire, uplift, or entertain you, by golly give them what they want! If they want to control, depress, weaken, or harm you, DON'T give them those powers, but instead give them the power to make you laugh. Laugh it off! They can't affect you if you don't allow them to.

Anagram

Just for fun, you can google "anagram" and look at the "Did you mean: ____?" line.

Ten Minute Fix: Relax

Your employer decided that doubling your work load made more sense than hiring another person. It turns out that new boat shouldn’t have been a tax deduction after all and the IRS has some questions. Your toddler found out where you hide the markers and redecorated the living room…and the cat. Your cell phone is missing and the toilet is clogged…for some reason you suspect they may be related. Your last day off was January 1st and your next one isn’t till May 30th. Seinfeld isn’t on. You’re stressed and you want to relax, but how can you when so much needs to get done?

First, force yourself to take ten minutes and remove the stress from the situation. Then you can tackle these problems with your mind and not with your emotions. A little bit of stress is a good thing. It can sharpen your thinking and motivate you to achieve more, but too much stress has the opposite effect. Too much stress results in headaches, difficulty sleeping, fuzzy thinking, and distraction. Relaxation techniques are designed to bring your stress back down to an appropriate level. Try out some of these ideas from the Mayo Clinic.

 Autogenic relaxation. Autogenic means something that comes from within you. In this relaxation technique, you use both visual imagery and body awareness to reduce stress. You repeat words or suggestions in your mind to help you relax and reduce muscle tension. You may imagine a peaceful place and then focus on controlled, relaxing breathing, slowing your heart rate, or feeling different physical sensations, such as relaxing each arm or leg one by one.

 Progressive muscle relaxation. In this relaxation technique, you focus on slowly tensing and then relaxing each muscle group. This helps you focus on the difference between muscle tension and relaxation. You become more aware of physical sensations. One method is to start by tensing and relaxing the muscles in your toes and progressively working your way up to your neck and head. Tense your muscles for at least five seconds and then relax for 30 seconds, and repeat.

 Visualization. In this relaxation technique, you form mental images to take a visual journey to a peaceful, calming place or situation. During visualization, try to use as many senses as you can, including smell, sight, sound and touch. If you imagine relaxing at the ocean, for instance, think about such things as the smell of salt water, the sound of crashing waves and the warmth of the sun on your body. You may want to close your eyes, sit in a quiet spot and loosen any tight clothing.

Other common relaxation techniques include:

 Yoga

 Tai chi

 Listening to music

 Exercise

 Meditation

 Hypnosis

 Massage

Sincerity

Anonymous asks...
Can I learn to be more sincere? Sometimes I feel fake, like I'm just going through the motions of interacting with people.

There is something really great about a truly sincere person. They inspire feelings of trust and confidence. They make us feel wonderful because they listen to what we say, and actually want to know what our major was in school, how many siblings we have, what we like to do for fun, and what book we would choose if we could only have one on a deserted island. A sincere person has the greatest power to make us feel good about ourselves, because when they say our hair looks nice, we know they mean it. Sincerity is so refreshing in this world of sarcasm, disinterest, and manipulation.

On the other hand, an insincere person who pats you on the back and acts like your new best friend while looking through you with a blank smile, nodding and agreeing with everything you say while not seeming to understand a word of it and probably thinking about how nice he's being for taking time out of his busy important day to talk to some loser like you and counting down the seconds until he can count this conversation as complete and move on to the next poor soul in need of his presence, can make you feel a little unimportant and maybe even a little angry. (Can you tell I've had experience with a few?)

What's it like in the mind of a truly sincere individual? I imagine it would be a nice place to be. Always present and focused on what's happening. Enjoying casual encounters as well as deeper connections. Never pretending, lying, or showing off. Having a powerful positive influence on others. Aware of others' feelings and well versed in the arts of hospitality and tact.  

So, is the gift of sincerity reserved for those select few who were born with the ability to put feeling and meaning behind everything they say? Not at all. It's a talent, so it can be developed like any other talent.

Be Aware
Pay attention to what you're saying. Is there any meaning behind it? Are you just saying what you think people want to hear? Are you just speaking to fill an awkward pause? Are you just a broken record saying what you always say?

Pay attention to how the other person feels. Do they seem uncomfortable? How can you put them at ease? What is it you feel they want to tell you? Everyone has something they're proud of. There's something they would love to talk about. The challenge is finding it out.

Fake It Till You Make It?
I don't know if faking sincerity is a good idea. That may even be the definition of insincerity. Instead of faking sincerity, practice sincerity. Have conversations with people, but not with the intent to seem sincere. That can NOT be your objective. You'll fail every time. Your goal is to actually BE sincere. Remember. Focus on meaning and feeling. Make sure your words are backed up by truth. Don't let your mind wander.

In summary, Anonymous, you asked a simple question that has a simple answer. Yes, you can learn to be more sincere. I hope you understand; however, that the impact of that simple answer is enormous. If you take steps now to develop sincerity it can change you entire outlook on life and how you interact with it. It will result in self-esteem, confidence, comfort, peace, popularity, and success. Go for it. It will be worth it.

Tally Marks

Personally, I prefer the backslash. If you were wondering...  :>\

Job Interview

 

"It would behoove you to behoove yourself by behooving me for this position. If you behoove, I can behoove you my resume"

 

Ten Minute Fix: Procrastination

Anything worth doing is worth doing right and anything worth doing right is worth doing right now. So, if we want to accomplish something, why do we always put it off?

We procrastinate when there is an unpleasant task on the road to a larger goal. We want to have rippling muscles that’ll make the girls swoon, but we don’t want to do the push-ups to get us there. This leaves us in an uncomfortable state of limbo where we keep the goal around because we like the idea of it, but leave the action for another day that may never come. It will be better for our overall happiness if we either abandon the goal, or get to work. Those must be our only two options. This forces us to either forget those rock hard pectorals or drop to the ground and get started.

Here’s an exercise to turn that procrastination into concrastination, or maybe even anticrastination.

1. Write down one of the many things you may be putting off at the moment.

2. Write down the main goal of the thing you’ve been putting off. Will it ultimately lead to your graduation? Getting a good job? Making new friends? Becoming a pilot? Writing a pilot?

3. Consider these questions.
     a. Can I achieve my main goal without doing this thing I don’t want to do?
     b. Is it worth getting it done to enjoy the future rewards?
     c. Will it be done better, or yield a greater return if I start now rather than wait?

4. If the answer is yes to these questions, either get started right away, or pull out your planner and schedule a time to begin.

Tips
If the task doesn’t already have a deadline, make one, and jot that down in your planner as well.

Also, when you write down any unpleasant task you have to do, always include a project title that reflects your main goal. For example, instead of saying “50 pushups at noon” you can say “Develop Rock Hard Pectorals: 50 pushups at noon”. Other examples are “Crazy Big Commission Check: 50 cold calls at noon”, “Intimate knowledge of Seinfeld: 50 episodes at noon”, “Evaluate Chemistry between Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore: 50 First Dates at noon”.

Recipe

What doesn't kill you, only makes you fatter.

Sure Cure for Jealousy

Anonymous asks... 

Do you have any wise words to say to help me not be jealous of all my friends, who all seem to have all the things I want but am apparently unable to attain? I want to be happy for my friends, but it’s hard to get over myself sometimes.

Well, I could tell you that everyone has their own form of trials they are going through, even if you can’t see them, so don’t be so quick to assume your friends are living perfect lives. I could also tell you that compared to some people your life isn’t that bad at all and you should count your blessings. I could even say, “At least you’re not Charlie Sheen”

I won’t tell you these things, or at least not anymore than I already have, because…

   1. You’ve already heard them.
   2. They didn't help or make you feel any better.

I don’t want to leave you without any wise words, so I’ll dig a little deeper to address your question. The real issue here may be that you feel you are not in control of your own destiny. You may believe on some level that life just happens to you and you’re along for the ride. With this belief, seeing your friends have what you want would make life seem unfair. Why did life give them a great job, and not me? On the other hand, if you believe you are in control of every aspect of your life and have confidence in your abilities, when your friend lands a great job you’ll think, “Good for him! He deserves it. He earned it.”

Take ownership of your life. If your life isn’t exactly what you want it to be, make it what you want it to be. It doesn’t matter what your friends, coworkers, or neighbors do. They have no power over your life. Try it out. It may be scary at first, but once you develop confidence in yourself, it will be liberating.

This advice isn't just for you by any means. Everyone feels the same way at times, so I want to conclude with some more wise words for you and all of us who would benefit from them.

Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. - William Jennings Bryan


There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul. - Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Control your own destiny or someone else will. - Jack Welch

We are not permitted to choose the frame of our destiny. But what we put into it is ours. -- Dag Hammarskjold

It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves. -- William Shakespeare

Introverts

I actually had more people show up than my support group for shut-ins.