Your Coaching Journal

Ten Minute Fix: Start your very own coaching journal.

Everything becomes so much more real when it's in writing. Thinking, "I should learn to play the bagpipes" is great and all, but what are the chances of me actually doing anything about it? If I write it down in a permanent place, and review that place often enough, and remind myself frequently enough that playing the bagpipes is THE thing I need to accomplish in life, you may see me performing on stage with Lady Gaga some day. I'll be the one wearing a kilt and playing the bagpipes. She'll be the one wearing the bagpipes and playing a kilt.

Please take a moment to get that image out of your head... Better? Okay, let's continue. It's important that you choose an appropriate medium for your journal. Sticky notes, note cards, and napkins won't work, unless you have a great way to keep them all in one place and organized. Dry erase boards and chalkboards are no good since they aren't permanent enough. Tattoos are very permanent, but you'll need more surface area than the typical human has available. I think a regular old notebook is probably the way to go. You could also keep a folder on your computer or start a blog if you don't mind sharing your journey with others.

A good coaching journal should be...

Easily Accessible - If it's hard to get to or out of sight, you'll never use it
Permanent - You should be able to track this down 20 years from now
Expandable - For a notebook you can simply start in a new one and store them together

A coaching journal is a place to record your goals along with what you are learning while participating in coaching. It's also a place to do written activities and brainstorm. What if you aren't currently participating in coaching? Well, you're reading this blog aren't you?! I'm going to be providing weekly writing prompts or activities that you may use as inspiration for entries into your coaching journal.

Writing in your journal will make your goals and desires official. It takes them from nice thoughts, to plans of action. Reviewing your journal shows you how far you've come and reminds you of goals you may want to revisit.

Next week I'll post the first writing prompt, so get your journal ready!

1. Choose the type of journal you want (notebook, blog, folder, etc...)
2. Write your name, start date, and the purpose you believe this journal should serve
3. Find a place to keep your journal. Someplace where you'll see it and remember it often.

Weeds

They're all fun and games, until they end up in YOUR yard.

A Brighter Day

Watch this video, and then think of your own way to brighten someone's day.  :)

Feeling Helpless and Not in Control

"I feel like my life should be the sum of the choices I’ve made, but it doesn’t seem that way. It feels more like life kind of happens to me and I just go with the flow. I don’t bother planning because plans never work out. I’m left feeling a little helpless and not in control. How do I feel more in control of my life? "

Does the following describe you at all? 

• You have no set dinner time, because you just eat when you’re hungry. 
• You have no set meal because you eat whatever is easiest, or sounds best at the moment. 
• You only do laundry when you’re out of clean clothes (or a few days after), but never before. 
• You only clean when company comes over. 
• Besides work and the occasional appointment, you never know what you’ll be doing any given day. You wait for an opportunity to present itself, or figure it out as you go. 

Reactionary Living
This is a reactionary way to live. It’s waiting for needs and opportunities to present themselves and then dealing with them at that time. I’m not going to say it’s a “bad” way to live. If you consider yourself to be laid back and are happy going with the flow and living the life that comes to you, I’d say keep it up. You’re question; however, tells me that you would rather feel in control of your life than be controlled by it.

Proactive Living (Proactive Eating)

Choose a simple area of your life you want to control better. You can draw inspiration from the examples above or something else that comes to mind. For this example, let's choose dinner. You know you'll be eating every day and for the most part, what and when you eat are up to you.

Start by planning out your meals for the coming week and establishing a time when you expect to have dinner prepared. This will probably require coordination and input from others if you plan on eating with your family.

Then, make a shopping list and buy all the ingredients you will need. Do you know the feeling of looking in the fridge and cupboard trying to figure out what you can make out of milk, re-fried beans and ketchup? Say goodbye to that feeling! You'll have everything you need in stock and ready to go. Remember the feeling of nothing sounding good and ending up debating for an hour about what you should eat? Say goodbye to that feeling too! You've already made the decision. Things will come up and schedules will need to change, but that's okay. You can adapt to what life throws at you while staying in control of your own destiny. 

Of course, you may have the whole dinner thing under control already, or you're like me and have a spouse who already cooks delicious meals for you. If that's the case, choose something else. Choose whatever activity or area of your life that causes you more stress than it should. Then make a proactive plan to tame it. This will offer you stability and build your confidence in planning. That feeling of helplessness will fade and be replaced with the empowerment that comes with knowing you are in control of your life.

Don't Quit

Don't Quit

by: Unknown Author

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out:
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Poem found at www.beyondthequote.com

Don't give up today. You've come too far and have come too close to give up now. You may not be able to see the finish line, but it's there. It may even be closer than you think. Keep going. You can do it.

Memory Lane

It’s never a good idea to live in the past, but it’s a great place to visit. Here are some of my favorite things to encounter while strolling down Memory Lane.

Snapshots of happy people. I never take pictures of myself doing taxes or the laundry, so my photo album provides me with a wonderfully distorted view of my life. In an album, my life is only parties, picnics, reunions, and milestones.

Worries about problems long since resolved. Reading past journal entries helps put the present in perspective. My worries about finding love, passing chemistry, and choosing a career now give me great happiness with the knowledge that I FOUND love, PASSED chemistry (barely), and HAVE a career. One day my current worries will also be in the past. Not everything will go as I expect or hope, but I’ll adapt, and everything will be okay.

Identity. Who we were doesn’t determine who we are or will be, but it’s still a part of us. Remembering the lessons I’ve learned (usually the hard way) gives me a sense of who I am and why I have the values, priorities, and goals I have.

Renewed gratitude, love, and respect. What would I do without my wife? I take her for granted too often, so reading emails from when we were dating, looking at pictures of our wedding, and admiring the home we’ve built together restores the appreciation I should always have.

Money. Remember last winter when I put $20 in my coat pocket? Me neither, but I must have done it because there it is now! I wonder if past me intentionally left this as a future windfall.

So, for this week’s ten minute fix, take your own stroll down Memory Lane. Dust off the photo albums, journals, home movies, keepsakes, or winter coats and take a trip to the best parts of your past.

Earl-aye in the Morning

I also forget what I better not do when Santa Clause is coming to town.I always figure a little bit of pouting is fine, only to find a lump of coal Christmas morning. Darn that list. If he only checked once I could probably slip by.

Little Coach Vaughn: Counting to Three

Don't let that innocent smile fool you. I could be an angry little kid. I’d throw tantrums and tackle my friends if I got mad. At one point (sometime around the third or fourth grade) I decided this behavior wasn’t something I wanted to continue. It was a conscious decision I remember making. I wanted to be calm, easy going, and...nice. To get my temper under control, I started counting to three. It worked, and here’s why I think it did.

Before counting to three, I not only had to recognize that I was losing my temper, but I also had to remember I had a goal to be more composed. Recognition is the first step in controlling a behavior. Without it you’ll find yourself making the same mistakes over and over again. Remembering your goal is the second step. It provides you with the choice, “do I give in to my normal behavior or do I work towards my goal?” Without that choice, you will do what you have always done, even if you will regret it later.

Counting to three gave me time to consider consequences. I remember one time being very angry with my friend Garrett. We were eating lunch at school and he started making fun of me for being mistaken about the glow in the dark properties of caterpillar blood (I don’t know what I was thinking). As I counted to myself, I considered my options. I could get angry and make fun of Garrett’s rat tail or MC Hammer parachute pants (which I thought were awesome) or I could laugh it off and continue with lunch. I knew getting angry and making fun of him would only result in a comeback that would make me even angrier. I chose to laugh it off and I never regretted it.

Counting to three also gave me time to put myself in the other person’s shoes. I realized that most of the time I lost my temper due to an accident or misunderstanding. Considering the feelings of my friend went a long way in calming me down.

My friends noticed the change. One time Garrett accidentally kicked me in the face while we were playing wrestling on the trampoline. The look on Garrett’s face was 50% worry about me and 50% worry about what I was going to do to him. When my only response was, “I’m okay. I know you didn’t mean to”, the look on his face changed to 20% relief and 80% utter surprise.

This decision I made in elementary school stuck with me until college when biochemistry exams unleashed my anger once again. Now I need to start counting to three again as I reprogram my behavior to one of patience and understanding.

Developing Self-Discipline

How can I develop self discipline? 

I love this question. Self discipline is something few of us genuinely seek after, but we should. It’s easy to think of it as captivity, but in reality, it’s freedom. It frees us from moods, cravings, whims, and addictions, which cause us far too much regret in life. So how do you develop it? Just try it. 

A part of self discipline is delaying pleasure, or making a sacrifice in exchange for some future reward. An obvious example is giving up that piece of cake and night in front of the TV in exchange for exercise, more energy, and rock hard abs. So you can start by denying yourself something. 

Give up a guilty pleasure or bad habit for a specified amount of time. You could give up TV, caffeine, sugar, Facebook, bar fights, or anything else that will be difficult. The harder it is the better (within reason). As you do this you’ll learn about yourself. Why do you give into temptation? What gives you strength to resist temptation? How does it feel to overcome a craving? 

After your designated time, try again with something else. This time use what you learned from your first experiment. As you continue to practice and learn you’ll be better prepared for more long term and complicated goals. Things like saving for retirement, or lowering cholesterol take a long time and can’t be achieved by simply not spending any more money, or not eating any cholesterol ever again. There are a lot of gray areas that will be left to your interpretation in the moment. While working on these goals always look for reasons TO keep your goal, rather than reasons to NOT keep it. With this outlook you’ll avoid justification, which is the enemy of self discipline. 

Don’t say, “I’ve worked hard, so I deserve a cookie”, because YOU DON’T DESERVE IT! What you deserve is the benefits of working out! You deserve a healthy weight, more energy, and a positive self image! Justification will destroy everything you’ve worked for if you allow it to.

Good luck in this endeavor. With self mastery comes confidence that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. There will be obstacles in your path, but you'll at least know that you never put any of those obstacles there yourself. 

Have a Question? I want to hear it! Write in in the box and click submit. It's that easy!

The Winner!

Thank you to everyone who participated in the Dinner and a Movie Giveaway. It helped me get the word out about life coaching and what this blog has to offer. So, without further delay...

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I'm building suspense...

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Congratulations, Mandy! You'll be receiving an email from me later today with information about your prize! I hope to host more giveaways in the future, so keep a look out!

If you didn't win, here's a consolation video. Enjoy!

Love Languages: Shotgun Style

Disclaimer: This ten minute fix is written as advice for a husband (cause we need it), but is easily adaptable to a wife as well. 

Have you heard of the five love languages? If not, here's a watered down summary.

Everyone is different and everyone prefers to receive and express love in a different way.  These preferences are catagorized into five love languages.

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

If you show love by buying gifts, but your spouse only understands love through quality time and words of affirmation, you'll both be frustrated and confused. You'll think, "How can she say I don't love her? I buy her flowers, chocolates, and jewelry. Of course I love her!" She'll think, "How can he love me if he comes home and goes straight to the TV, ignores me, and never says a nice thing about me?"

Feel free to stop by the library or Amazon to pick up a copy of the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman or check out www.5lovelanguages.com to learn more and take a quiz to find out your spouse's love language. But for now - just for fun - let's try a different approach: The Shotgun Approach.

Here's the challenge. In ten minutes, express your love to your spouse using all five love languages. The plan is to fire a point blank shotgun blast of love that has no way of missing her specific love languages (I never meant for that to sound so violent, but let's go with it). What's more, the other love languages will have more meaning to her when in context with her specific language. Giving her a dozen roses and then watching sports for three hours may not mean much to her, but giving her roses in the context of an evening of quality time spent together will mean the world to her.

You can have more than ten minutes to prepare, but the execution needs to take place in a ten minute time frame. So in ten minutes you have to sincerely...

Tell her how much she means to you
Make the ten minutes true quality time
Give her a gift
Serve her
Give her a big hug and a kiss

After the ten minutes are over you can go back to watching football. NOT! The hope is that as you focus your mental and emotional energy on the feelings you have for your wife, you'll be inspired to once again do whatever you can to make her feel loved and appreciated.

Later, talk to your spouse about love languages and have an open discussion about how you each prefer to receive love. You'll hopefully avoid a lot of frustration and greatly improve the feeling of love in your relationship. If you want more help figuring out communication in your marriage or just want you and your spouse to be on the same page, sign up for couples coaching. You'll receive a free introductory session and affordable rates as you build a framework for a better marriage together.

A Calorific Dream

Carl's Jr should start doing this. They could charge over $20 for a burger, fries, and a shake! And when you use a coupon it means they leave off the bacon.

DIY: Magnetic Spice Rack

Don't forget to enter the giveaway! Now enjoy this guest post by my wife!

DIY Under-The-Cupboard Magnetic Spice Rack

After over a year of Coach Kyle working on this blog, he finally let me--his wife!--guest post.  (And don't worry, I don't call him Coach).  He asked me to share a tutorial with you that has helped us save money and stay organized in one small aspect of our home--the kitchen.  Specifically, the spice cabinet.

For a while, we were looking for a new solution to storing spices.  We had a ton of spice jars thrown onto a lazy susan in a corner cupboard, but it just wasn't working.  It was hard to find the spice I was looking for, and I ended up doubling up on some spices in error.  Not only that, but we found out how cheap spices can be at Winco, where you can buy them in little bags and put in your own containers at home.  We needed to figure out a way to do that!  After some looking around online (mostly on Pinterest), we combined multiple ideas and tweaked them just a little bit to suit our home and needs.

Materials:
Baby food jars  (saved from months of feeding our 1 year old)
Strong magnets (We got ours at Joanns)
16 gauge strap (strip of metal with screw holes) (Cheap at Home Depot)
Chalkboard {or any other} paint (again, from Joanns)
Chalk/paint pen
Goo Gone or similar adhesive remover
Painter's tape

1. Clean and wash your jars.  We ripped off the label pretty easily, but we needed Goo Gone to get rid of the remaining adhesive. Put through the dishwasher as many times as necessary to convince you there are no remaining mushed peas and squash to taint your spices.

2. Tape your jar about halfway down around the sides.  This way, you have enough room to write the name of the spice, but can still see the colorful spices all in a row.

3. Paint the lower half and bottom of the jars. It will take several coats (at least, it did for us) and you have to let it cure and then condition it if you're using chalkboard paint. Just use the instructions that come with it. You can paint your lids too, if you feel like it. When everything is dry, remove the tape. That's always my favorite part.

4. Use a very strong glue to affix a magnet to each lid.

5. While waiting for the magnets to set, screw the 16 gauge metal strap into the underside of your chosen cupboard, or use Liquid Nails if the screws will interfere with your food storage.

This is what we used, but any magnetic strip of metal will work.

6. In the meantime, fill your jars with spices. Write the name of the spice on each jar.  I used chalk originally, but every time I picked up a jar the chalk would wipe off.  I switched to a paint pen and was pleased with the results.

7. Stick up your jars!  The magnets are strong enough to hold the jars--we have encountered zero problems so far.

Our spices are neat and in alphabetical order, of course.  They are easy to locate and grab. And I think they look cute out in the open!

Thanks for reading! It's been a pleasure to share this tutorial with you.

Keep on keepin' on!

Mrs. Coach Kyle)

Online Life Coaching?

 Don't forget to enter the Dinner and a Movie Giveaway Here! Ends Saturday!

"You mentioned online life coaching yesterday. What's the deal with that?"

Okay, I'll admit that no one asked this question, but someone easily could have :)

I'm just really excited to tell everyone about it. 90% of life coaching in the United States is done over the phone. The problem is that more and more people feel less and less comfortable talking on the phone. With texting, chat, and email, phone conversations are becoming less common. My purpose in providing life coaching online is to make this life changing service accessible to anyone who feels more comfortable at a computer than on a phone.

The setup and results are the same as coaching by phone. The only difference is that the weekly 45-60 minute session will take place through chat. Sessions are still confidential and secure, with the added security of not being overheard as you discuss personal goals and challenges. All you need is a stable internet connection to participate. You don't have to watch your cell phone minutes or battery life. You'll also be able to save a record of your session to review later. No more juggling your phone as you try to take notes about your plans for the coming week.

Another advantage is that if you sign up for online coaching and use the special offer code "Online Intro" you'll get 30% off of any online personal coaching service. 

If you're feeling the desire to make big changes for the better in your life or you just aren't sure what to do with your life, sign up for a free introductory session to see how coaching can help you. I'm a certified life coach with the training and experience to guide you as you make your own decisions and work towards your own goals. I'd love to work with you soon. Click here to get started! I guarantee you won't regret it.

Dinner and a Movie Giveaway!

It's our 100th post! It's also Motivation Monday and what's more motivating than free stuff? That's why Vaughn Life Coaching is having a giveaway week. You can get up to four entries into a drawing for dinner and a movie for two! This prize will take the form of a $20 gift card for Cinemark and a $30 gift card at any Darden Restaurant (Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Longhorn Steakhouse, Bahama Breeze, Seasons 52). You have through Saturday to enter and the winner of the drawing will be announced next Monday.

Here are the ways you can enter.

1. Leave a comment on this post
2. "Like" Vaughn Life Coaching on Facebook
3. Post a link to this giveaway on Facebook
4. Blog about the giveaway

For each entry you need to leave a comment on this post letting me know that you did it. It's important that you leave a separate comment for each entry and include your email address so I can contact you if you win. So, if you blog about the giveaway just say, "I blogged about it! and You're awesome!- supercool@neato.com " or something like that. If you already "like" Vaughn Life Coaching on Facebook you can still enter. Just leave a comment letting me know.

In addition to the drawing above, anyone who signs up for at least 1 month of life coaching this week will receive a free leather bound journal to record their thoughts, plans, and progress. Just use the special offer code Journal when you sign up. You can also sign up for Online Life Coaching and receive 30% off by using the special offer code Online Intro.

Learn Something New

For this week's Ten Minute Fix, learn something!

First, try to remember that thing you were wondering about earlier today or earlier this week. Then take ten minutes to learn about it. The internet is so amazing! Believe it or not, I'm old enough to remember the world before the internet. There were these things called encyclopedias where you could learn a little bit about a couple of things. There were these things called libraries where you could find out a few more things, but only if you were brave enough to face the dreaded card catalog. There were these things called tabloids that you had to read in line at the supermarket to get your celebrity gossip. Now with the internet you can find out pretty much anything in a matter of minutes!

If you don't have anything you're dying to know, you can check out the featured articles on Wikipedia. You could also take a look at some sample questions to open up your inquisitive side.

What's the oldest nation? 

Should you use "a" or "an" in the following? "I must be leaving. I'm terribly late for a(n) NRA meeting." (I have my opinion, but I'll keep it to myself. I try to steer clear of controversial topics.)

Do they still wear powdered wigs in British Parliament? If so, ....why? 

What percentage of people can touch their nose with their tongue? 

Which is the healthier meat? chicken, beef, ostrich, or bison 

If you stacked all the free CD's that AOL gave out in the 90's, would they reach the moon?

If you're anything like me, these questions inspired you to see how much it would cost to buy a powdered wig and some powder to go along with it. Turns out this question takes longer than ten minutes to figure out.

Disappointment

"At 5 o'clock tomorrow look East. Don't forget your swimsuit and a jar of quarters.You're not gonna want to miss this."  THAT'S the kind of fortune I want to see. 

How To Be Alone

This is a wonderful poem about the beauty of being alone...when done right.

Destination: Giving Meaning to the Daily Grind

I go to work, pay the bills, clean the house, take care of the kids, serve in my church, and go to sleep exhausted, just to get up and do it again the next day. What's it all for? I feel as if my future retirement is the only potential source of relief. I want to enjoy life, but there are so many demands, how am I supposed to do it?

Life is a journey, but sometimes we see it more as a journey away from something rather than towards something. We go to work to avoid being poor. We clean the house to avoid the in-laws calling us slobs. We take care of the kids to avoid having the kind of kids that listen to that new fangled Rocky Rolly music, or whatever they call it. Oh, and we go to church to avoid eternal damnation. When you think about it, that's no way to live. Of course it wears you out! It's a constant fleeing from an unrelenting pursuer.

There's a better way. Have a goal in mind, but make it more than a goal. Make it a destination; where you ultimately want to end up. This destination will give meaning to the list of never ending daily tasks. Start seeing work as an opportunity to build a better life for your family. Clean the house because you want a comfortable and inviting home. Spend time with your kids because you want to be a great parent who your kids will respect and trust even after they grow up and go out on their own.

As you move towards a destination, every day means you are one step closer. If instead you're running away from problems that simply reappear the next day, it feels like treading water and never making progress.

Define your destination and decide if your daily actions are moving you towards that destination. If not, make the appropriate changes.

Dreamages

Ponder these questions for a moment.

What would your perfect life look like?
What would you do?
What would you have?
Who would you be?

None of these things have to be even remotely within reach, so don't let a little thing like reality stand in the way of your imagination.

Visualize what it would be like to live this life and then search for some pictures of the things or activities you're imagining. You can cut them out of magazines, find them online, or draw a picture if you're so inclined. We'll call these images your DREAMages. They're kind of like goals in that you would love to achieve them some day, but they may seem unrealistic. Here's a look at one of my dreamages.

Okay. Okay. Quit your snickering! I don't want to go on a date with him. I just want to have muscles like he has. I'm kind of a twerp, so I'd love to bulk up and go around places flexing and thereby impressing everyone I meet. I'm an ectomorph, so Jared Padalecki's physique may be well out of reach, but that's why it's a dreamage and not a goal. It's purpose is to motivate me to lift weights, and eat right. You see, a picture of what I THINK I can look like isn't very motivating.

Set the Table

I know when I set the table I get out a plate, a fork, and if I remember, a glass for everyone who will be eating. Occasionally; however, I like to get fancy. That's when I bust out my 17th edition of Emily Post's Etiquette by Peggy Post. The 18th edition is available for pre-order and comes out in October if you're interested. You can also go to www.emilypost.com. So in ten minutes (probably less) you can learn to set the table properly and even teach your kids. Here is the information from the Emily Post Institute for a basic table setting. (Click Here to see a formal setting)

For a basic table setting, here are two great tips to help you -- or your kids -- remember the order of plates and utensils:

1. Picture the word "FORKS." The order, left to right, is: F for Fork, O for the Plate (the shape!), K for Knives and S for Spoons. (Okay -- you have to forget the R, but you get the idea!)


2. Holding your hands in front of you, touch the tips of your thumbs to the tips of your forefingers to make a lowercase 'b' with your left hand and a lowercase 'd' with your right hand. This reminds you that "bread and butter" go to the left of the place setting and "drinks" go on the right. Emily Post could have used that trick -- she was often confused about which bread and butter belonged to her -- and sometimes she used her neighbor's! In which case, when it was called to her attention, she would say to the dismayed lady or gentleman, "Oh, I am always mixing them up. Here, please take mine!"

Some other things to know:

• Knife blades always face the plate


• The napkin goes to the left of the fork, or on the plate


• The bread and butter knife are optional

Career Advice

In addition to having access to delicious chocolate, the name "chocolatier" is just so much fun to say.