He lived in a 10’ X 10’ home he built himself on a muddy lot, but he lived there with his wife and two kids and he was the happiest person I have ever met. I met this man in Santiago Chile back in 2004. His home was mostly finished and boy was he proud of it. He couldn’t afford many materials, but he made it as nice as he possibly could. He collected scraps from construction sites and found the best price for whatever he had to buy. He took great care to build his tiny home perfectly. When I first went to his house, winter was about to start, so he was in the process of filling his walls with styrofoam he had collected from various sources.
He had been out of work for a long time and was still looking for a job, but in the mean time, he and his wife made caramel filled churros to sell to commuters and shoppers downtown while their kids were in school. He had a passion for exercise, but couldn’t afford equipment, so he had a metal bar with buckets of rocks and dirt that he would use for weight training. His positive attitude and happiness were infectious, so his wife and kids were also some of the happiest people I’ve met.
He had big dreams of adding a kitchen, bedrooms, and a bathroom to his little home. He knew the future was going to be better, but he never let it stop him from savoring every minute of the present. One time I asked him how he could be so happy all the time. He said he is unhappy sometimes, but he figures “being sad makes [him] more sad than being sad makes other people sad”. He believed other people had a higher tolerance for unhappiness, and were more willing to put up with it than he was. He just didn’t see the point in negative emotions and thought that if everyone hated being sad as much as he did, everyone would enjoy life a little more.
His secret to happiness was gratitude. He had dreams of being a fitness instructor and living in a larger and nicer home, but at the same time he was so grateful that people were buying his churros and he had shelter and food for his family. He was grateful for every new day and saw it as an opportunity to better his family’s situation, even if it was adding scraps of styrofoam to his walls so winter wouldn’t be quite as cold, or finding someone he could pay “rent” to so that his family could use their bathroom to shower a couple times a week.
Thanksgiving makes me think of him, and thinking of him motivates me to be grateful, no matter my circumstances.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Torture
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Forget the Golden Rule
Okay, forgetting it completely could be a little rash, but let's take a close look at it. Although it is phrased differently across the globe and throughout history, I typically hear it said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." What's wrong with that?
First off, people don't like to be treated the same. If you look at specific cases it may not work. For example, when I'm sick, all I want is to be left alone. I want to get in bed, watch Seinfeld, and try to forget how miserable I feel. So, when I was first married, I followed the Golden Rule and afforded my wife privacy and solitude when she was sick. BIG MISTAKE! I only made her more miserable because I added abandonment to her list of ailments. That's because when SHE is sick she wants nothing more than company and comfort from other people.
Maybe we should rephrase the Golden Rule to be, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you...if you were them." The other option is to only apply the Golden Rule very generally, but that's watering it down to "be nice to people". Or we could rephrase it to , "Do what other people want you to do", but that would backfire pretty quickly.
Of course, the Golden Rule is still a good thing. I just caution you to use it carefully. Make sure you are truly helping the person you intend to help.
First off, people don't like to be treated the same. If you look at specific cases it may not work. For example, when I'm sick, all I want is to be left alone. I want to get in bed, watch Seinfeld, and try to forget how miserable I feel. So, when I was first married, I followed the Golden Rule and afforded my wife privacy and solitude when she was sick. BIG MISTAKE! I only made her more miserable because I added abandonment to her list of ailments. That's because when SHE is sick she wants nothing more than company and comfort from other people.
Maybe we should rephrase the Golden Rule to be, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you...if you were them." The other option is to only apply the Golden Rule very generally, but that's watering it down to "be nice to people". Or we could rephrase it to , "Do what other people want you to do", but that would backfire pretty quickly.
Of course, the Golden Rule is still a good thing. I just caution you to use it carefully. Make sure you are truly helping the person you intend to help.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Book Recommendations
"Any book recommendations?"
Sure! My first recommendation is that you read them. In my case, I actually prefer to listen to them, but the audio book selection at my library isn't very extensive. Here are is a self-help book I've read and really enjoyed along with a brief description. When I read a book, my retention isn't all that great so I usually end up with one main lesson that sticks with me. I'll include that for the book too. I'll just do one book today, but there are several books I enjoy and will tell you about in future posts.
Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out by Phillip C. McGraw (Dr. Phil)
Sure! My first recommendation is that you read them. In my case, I actually prefer to listen to them, but the audio book selection at my library isn't very extensive. Here are is a self-help book I've read and really enjoyed along with a brief description. When I read a book, my retention isn't all that great so I usually end up with one main lesson that sticks with me. I'll include that for the book too. I'll just do one book today, but there are several books I enjoy and will tell you about in future posts.
Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out by Phillip C. McGraw (Dr. Phil)
This is the second book by Dr. Phil that I have read and I have to tell you that I like what he has to say. This one focuses on the premise that we create our lives based on other people's expectations of us and along the way we conform and lose our authentic selves. This makes us feel unhappy and lost, so Dr. Phil takes you through the process of seeing what events in your past shaped the person you are today. Then he empowers you with the choice to reinvent yourself by abandoning anything toxic and embracing anything uplifting. He also provides tips on making changes in your life that return you to your own passions and talents.
My take home message: It's okay to focus on yourself and go after what you want. The world labels it as selfish, but that's only because it's in the world's best interest for you to conform.True selfishness does exist, but simply living your authentic life isn't it. You can't help anyone else if you haven't taken care of yourself first.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Fun Size?
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
You Are Not So Smart
Maybe a little pessimistic, but there's a lot I like about this video. The book looks interesting too. Any of my clients will tell you I talk a lot about the ideas of "present you" and "future you".
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
The Funk
"I'm in a real funk, and I'm ready to get out of it. I feel kind of blah all day and have trouble enjoying anything. What can I do to be myself again?"
First off, read these symptoms of depression . If you have many of these symptoms for an extended period of time, you should talk to your doctor, counselor, or other professional. If this is just a case of the blues or a funk, I have one suggestion that may help: Service
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
--Gandhi
Think about it. If you feel "blah" and have trouble enjoying anything, focusing on YOUR feelings is just going to remind you of how blah you feel. Instead, focus on another persons feelings and do what you can to serve them. You'll quickly forget about how you feel, because you'll be too concerned with the people you are helping.
Service is a miracle worker and not just for those on the receiving end. I remember during my time as a missionary in Santiago Chile, I was visiting a family who had stopped attending church. I couldn't stand this family! They were just so negative about everything. They did nothing but complain about their situation in life, the people at church, the weather, their family, anything and everything. Every time we visited them I was put in a funk, but we kept going because we felt like we should.
Then one day we discovered they were building a small extension on to their home so their daughter and new son-in-law could live with them and have a space of their own. We volunteered our help and things began to change. As I served side by side with this family pouring concrete and building walls, I forgot about my funk and was able to focus my attention where it should have been the whole time; on THEIR needs.
I grew to really care about the family, they started attending church again, and the new son-in-law joined the church. I believe that our service as missionaries helped them begin to have a more positive outlook, but what really helped is that as soon as they started going back to church, THEY started serving and helping other people. Suddenly, their problems weren't the only things on their minds.
They found themselves by losing themselves in the service of others.
First off, read these symptoms of depression . If you have many of these symptoms for an extended period of time, you should talk to your doctor, counselor, or other professional. If this is just a case of the blues or a funk, I have one suggestion that may help: Service
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
--Gandhi
Think about it. If you feel "blah" and have trouble enjoying anything, focusing on YOUR feelings is just going to remind you of how blah you feel. Instead, focus on another persons feelings and do what you can to serve them. You'll quickly forget about how you feel, because you'll be too concerned with the people you are helping.
Service is a miracle worker and not just for those on the receiving end. I remember during my time as a missionary in Santiago Chile, I was visiting a family who had stopped attending church. I couldn't stand this family! They were just so negative about everything. They did nothing but complain about their situation in life, the people at church, the weather, their family, anything and everything. Every time we visited them I was put in a funk, but we kept going because we felt like we should.
Then one day we discovered they were building a small extension on to their home so their daughter and new son-in-law could live with them and have a space of their own. We volunteered our help and things began to change. As I served side by side with this family pouring concrete and building walls, I forgot about my funk and was able to focus my attention where it should have been the whole time; on THEIR needs.
I grew to really care about the family, they started attending church again, and the new son-in-law joined the church. I believe that our service as missionaries helped them begin to have a more positive outlook, but what really helped is that as soon as they started going back to church, THEY started serving and helping other people. Suddenly, their problems weren't the only things on their minds.
They found themselves by losing themselves in the service of others.
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