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Daily Motto

The best way to get the most out of any given day is to have some motto or theme directing that day's activities.   A motto is more than a goal, it's a summary of the motivation behind your goals, so it affects every aspect of your day and not just one particular goal.

Today I could make my motto, "Work Hard. Play Hard". Any time I'm doing something considered to be work, I'd put all my focus and energy into it. I'd be more efficient and more productive. When not working, it's time for play. The same focus and energy I put into my work would be put into having a good time. I'd play a new game, do some new activity with my family, or revisit our favorite things to do. I'd concentrate on having fun and enjoying every second of it.

My family motto is factis definiri "defined by deeds". If I chose this to be my focus for the day, I would constantly be on the lookout for people to serve. While working I'd look for some way to go above and beyond the call of duty to help someone out, and the rest of the day I would serve my family and community any way I could.

There are a ton of mottos out there. Here's a list of some used by companies and organizations. You can try to adapt some of these, look for others, or make up your own. Whatever motto you choose, remember it throughout the day. Email yourself about it, put it on your calendar, or wear a piece of string on your finger to remind you and redirect your focus.

Make this Monday live up to your expectations. Create a motto and allow it to guide your actions today.

The Happiest Man I've Met

He lived in a 10’ X 10’ home he built himself on a muddy lot, but he lived there with his wife and two kids and he was the happiest person I have ever met. I met this man in Santiago Chile back in 2004. His home was mostly finished and boy was he proud of it. He couldn’t afford many materials, but he made it as nice as he possibly could. He collected scraps from construction sites and found the best price for whatever he had to buy. He took great care to build his tiny home perfectly. When I first went to his house, winter was about to start, so he was in the process of filling his walls with styrofoam he had collected from various sources.

He had been out of work for a long time and was still looking for a job, but in the mean time, he and his wife made caramel filled churros to sell to commuters and shoppers downtown while their kids were in school. He had a passion for exercise, but couldn’t afford equipment, so he had a metal bar with buckets of rocks and dirt that he would use for weight training. His positive attitude and happiness were infectious, so his wife and kids were also some of the happiest people I’ve met.

He had big dreams of adding a kitchen, bedrooms, and a bathroom to his little home. He knew the future was going to be better, but he never let it stop him from savoring every minute of the present. One time I asked him how he could be so happy all the time. He said he is unhappy sometimes, but he figures “being sad makes [him] more sad than being sad makes other people sad”. He believed other people had a higher tolerance for unhappiness, and were more willing to put up with it than he was. He just didn’t see the point in negative emotions and thought that if everyone hated being sad as much as he did, everyone would enjoy life a little more.

His secret to happiness was gratitude. He had dreams of being a fitness instructor and living in a larger and nicer home, but at the same time he was so grateful that people were buying his churros and he had shelter and food for his family. He was grateful for every new day and saw it as an opportunity to better his family’s situation, even if it was adding scraps of styrofoam to his walls so winter wouldn’t be quite as cold, or finding someone he could pay “rent” to so that his family could use their bathroom to shower a couple times a week.

Thanksgiving makes me think of him, and thinking of him motivates me to be grateful, no matter my circumstances.

Torture

Why does Obama want to shut down a resort? What? The Bush administration took suspected terrorists there for surfing excursions? That's just plain wrong. Is it torture because terrorists prefer skateboarding?

Forget the Golden Rule

Okay, forgetting it completely could be a little rash, but let's take a close look at it. Although it is phrased differently across the globe and throughout history, I typically hear it said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." What's wrong with that?

First off, people don't like to be treated the same. If you look at specific cases it may not work. For example, when I'm sick, all I want is to be left alone. I want to get in bed, watch Seinfeld, and try to forget how miserable I feel. So, when I was first married, I followed the Golden Rule and afforded my wife privacy and solitude when she was sick. BIG MISTAKE! I only made her more miserable because I added abandonment to her list of ailments. That's because when SHE is sick she wants nothing more than company and comfort from other people.

Maybe we should rephrase the Golden Rule to be, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you...if you were them." The other option is to only apply the Golden Rule very generally, but that's watering it down to  "be nice to people". Or we could rephrase it to , "Do what other people want you to do", but that would backfire pretty quickly.

Of course, the Golden Rule is still a good thing. I just caution you to use it carefully. Make sure you are truly helping the person you intend to help.

Book Recommendations

"Any book recommendations?"


Sure! My first recommendation is that you read them. In my case, I actually prefer to listen to them, but the audio book selection at my library isn't very extensive. Here are is a self-help book I've read and really enjoyed along with a brief description. When I read a book, my retention isn't all that great so I usually end up with one main lesson that sticks with me. I'll include that for the book too. I'll just do one book today, but there are several books I enjoy and will tell you about in future posts.

Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out by Phillip C. McGraw (Dr. Phil)

This is the second book by Dr. Phil that I have read and I have to tell you that I like what he has to say. This one focuses on the premise that we create our lives based on other people's expectations of us and along the way we conform and lose our authentic selves. This makes us feel unhappy and lost, so Dr. Phil takes you through the process of seeing what events in your past shaped the person you are today. Then he empowers you with the choice to reinvent yourself by abandoning anything toxic and embracing anything uplifting. He also provides tips on making changes in your life that return you to your own passions and talents. 

My take home message: It's okay to focus on yourself and go after what you want. The world labels it as selfish, but that's only because it's in the world's best interest for you to conform.True selfishness does exist, but simply living your authentic life isn't it. You can't help anyone else if you haven't taken care of yourself first.

Fun Size?

Nothing. And it takes a special kind of crazy to think you can convince the American public otherwise.

You Are Not So Smart

Maybe a little pessimistic, but there's a lot I like about this video. The book looks interesting too. Any of my clients will tell you I talk a lot about the ideas of "present you" and "future you".

The Funk

"I'm in a real funk, and I'm ready to get out of it. I feel kind of blah all day and have trouble enjoying anything. What can I do to be myself again?"

First off, read these symptoms of depression . If you have many of these symptoms for an extended period of time, you should talk to your doctor, counselor, or other professional. If this is just a case of the blues or a funk, I have one suggestion that may help: Service


"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
--Gandhi


Think about it. If you feel "blah" and have trouble enjoying anything, focusing on YOUR feelings is just going to remind you of how blah you feel. Instead, focus on another persons feelings and do what you can to serve them. You'll quickly forget about how you feel, because you'll be too concerned with the people you are helping.

Service is a miracle worker and not just for those on the receiving end. I remember during my time as a missionary in Santiago Chile, I was visiting a family who had stopped attending church. I couldn't stand this family! They were just so negative about everything. They did nothing but complain about their situation in life, the people at church, the weather, their family, anything and everything. Every time we visited them I was put in a funk, but we kept going because we felt like we should.

Then one day we discovered they were building a small extension on to their home so their daughter and new son-in-law could live with them and have a space of their own. We volunteered our help and things began to change. As I served side by side with this family pouring concrete and building walls, I forgot about my funk and was able to focus my attention where it should have been the whole time; on THEIR needs.

I grew to really care about the family, they started attending church again, and the new son-in-law joined the church. I believe that our service as missionaries helped them begin to have a more positive outlook, but what really helped is that as soon as they started going back to church, THEY started serving and helping other people. Suddenly, their problems weren't the only things on their minds.

They found themselves by losing themselves in the service of others.

Tough Love: Lincoln Style

I don't know much about Abraham Lincoln. I've learned some facts and probably some myths about his childhood and presidency, but as for what kind of a man he was, I'm in the dark. The letter below tells me more about him than anything I learned in school. It tells me that he was strong, caring, honest, and wise.

This letter is in response to a request for money from his brother in law. In it, Lincoln demonstrates what it means to really help someone. He shows us that rewarding someone's bad behavior won't help them in the long run. It's much better to help them change and then reward that change. Let's evaluate our relationships and make sure we are truly helping the people we love. Let's give them motivation to achieve, rather than a reward for failure.

Dear Johnston:--

Your request for eighty dollars, I do not think it best to comply
with now. At the various times when I have helped you a little, you
have said to me, "We can get along very well now," but in a very
short time I find you in the same difficulty again. Now this can
only happen by some defect in your conduct. What that defect is, I
think I know. You are not lazy, and still you are an idler. I
doubt whether since I saw you, you have done a good whole day's
work, in any one day. You do not very much dislike to work, and
still you do not work much, merely because it does not seem to you
that you could get much for it. This habit of uselessly wasting
time, is the whole difficulty; and it is vastly important to you,
and still more so to your children, that you should break this
habit. It is more important to them, because they have longer to
live, and can keep out of an idle habit before they are in it
easier than they can get out after they are in.

You are now in need of some ready money; and what I propose is,
that you shall go to work, "tooth and nail," for somebody who will
give you money for it. Let father and your boys take charge of
things at home--prepare for a crop, and make the crop; and you go
to work for the best money wages, or in discharge of any debt you
owe, that you can get. And to secure you a fair reward for your
labor, I now promise you that for every dollar you will, between
this and the first of next May, get for your own labor either in
money or in your own indebtedness, I will then give you one other
dollar. By this, if you hire yourself at ten dollars a month, from
me you will get ten more, making twenty dollars a month for your
work. In this, I do not mean you shall go off to St. Louis, or the
lead mines, or the gold mines, in California, but I mean for you to
go at it for the best wages you can get close to home, in Coles
County. Now if you will do this, you will soon be out of debt, and
what is better, you will have a habit that will keep you from
getting in debt again. But if I should now clear you out, next year
you will be just as deep in as ever. You say you would almost give
your place in Heaven for $70 or $80. Then you value your place in
Heaven very cheaply, for I am sure you can with the offer I make
you get the seventy or eighty dollars for four or five months'
work. You say if I furnish you the money you will deed me the land,
and if you don't pay the money back, you will deliver possession--
Nonsense! If you can't now live with the land, how will you then
live without it? You have always been kind to me, and I do not now
mean to be unkind to you. On the contrary, if you will but follow
my advice, you will find it worth more than eight times eighty
dollars to you.

Affectionately your brother,

A. LINCOLN.

I found the text of this letter at www.quotablelincoln.com

Auto Pay

Paying bills isn’t any fun, so why spend more time on it than you have to? By setting up automatic payments for your bills you can save yourself time and avoid late payment fees.

Many companies have the option of setting up automatic payments. Some don’t, but that’s okay, because in many cases you can set up an automatic payment through your bank. It only makes sense to pay through your bank if the amount due is the same every month, though. If the amount varies, you have to go in and change it every month anyway.

Keep a master list of any and all automatic payments you set up. Keep track of the amounts due, when they’re paid, and what account the money comes out of. This master list will come in handy if you ever lose your credit card or switch checking accounts. I worked as a collections agent for a while, so I can tell you that many past due accounts were caused by expired credit cards. The master list allows you to update your payment method easily without any bills falling through the cracks.

Avoid fees. Some companies will charge you a “convenience fee” or something similar if you use a credit card for your auto pay. Usually using a checking account instead is enough to avoid the fee. Just read the fine print and ask questions to make sure there are no hidden charges.

Keep a little extra in your checking account. Since payments are made without you checking your account balance, you could get into a sticky overdraft situation. I try to stay 1 month ahead in my checking account. This reduces the feeling of living paycheck to paycheck, and I don’t have to worry about my electric bill causing me to overdraft.

So, for this week’s ten minute fix. Choose a couple of bills you pay every month and do some research to see if you can switch them to auto pay. Setting it up won’t take much longer than paying the bill itself, and when next month comes along, you can just file the bill away without worrying about it!

Check List Check List

These should be the first items on any checklist. They provide much needed momentum right when you need it.

Validation

I posted this video on the Facebook page a while back, but it's worth watching again. You're all great! You really are. :)